Like most golfers, I have a pretty good grasp of the basic rules of golf. Recently I came across a few “unpublished” rules that should definitely be included as a part of the official book. Here are the first 12! ~ with apologies to the USGA
12 Golf Rules You Won’t Find In The Rule Book
- LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have Inner Peace knowing that a shittier one is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
- LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
- LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proved in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been known to be partly made with this most unusual natural alloy.
- LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
- LAW 5: The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified he or she deems him/herself as an instructor.
- LAW 6 : A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent — or some similar combination.
- LAW 7: All 3-woods are demon-possessed. Your Mother in Law does not come close.
- LAW 8: Golf balls from the same “sleeve” tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water. See LAW 3.
- LAW 9: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
- LAW 10: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
- LAW 11: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.
- LAW 12: Since bad shots come in groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is really the beginning of the next group of three.
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Do you have a few more golf rules that aren’t in the books? Add yours below.